The Hipster Mom

Super WTF Toddler Shopping Addiction Edition!!!!

 

Ok, I'm only commenting on this because it's so bad it's good. Or is it? I'm really confused. Number one the heels are all jenkey and twist beneath the baby's foot. I would only put a proper stiletto on my child preferably a Giuseppe Zanotti or Chanel pump. Number two, this is why I'm glad I have a boy...so no one buys my crapola like this. Number 3, these women are obvi making $$$ on this, so kinda can't hate. Over all this is the wackness but that baby girl trying to walk in them is kinda funny. 

The Hipster Mom Say's Try This!

Sometimes there are things that I want to tell Fritz right now that he really doesn't give a shit about. Things like "Look kid, ya gotta fake it till' you make it" or that he neeeeeds to see Fast Times at Ridgemont High and For a Few Dollars More. So I developed a sort of advice/list book for him. This is very simple and requires no "scrapping", glueing or cutting. All you need is a journal of some kind and a pen. I say be loose with it. There's no rules to what can be written in it. But here are some of the things that I've been writing in my book to Fritz: 

Letters: These are mostly about how much I love him or what he is doing at that very moment I'm writing the letter. Dear Fritz,....Right now your smashing the remote into your head at full force and saying "Owwwch". You have no idea how much I love your little punkin butt..ect.

Movies: I love amazing and odd ball B movies and hopefully one day fritz will take my advice and see all these cool movies I know about. I think its important that he sees things like: Return Of The Alien Deadly Spawn, Toxic Avenger and anything Troma, All the Sleepaway Camp's, Wet Hot American Summer, FrankenHooker, Dirty Harry, Style Wars and Breakin'.

New! The Hipster Mom Webisodes

Danger!

I don't know what other parents do but as soon as Fritz could move around at all and touch anything I adopted using the word Danger...for well...Danger."No" is boring and wayyyy over used. I thought I'd use something with a little more punch, a little more impact. I also try to say it a lot like Mystikal does..."DANE-JAH! Watch ya Self! Show Me Whatcha Workin With!!". Except I just say the "DANE-JAH" part. My friends think it's funny and it kinda works. So it goes something like this: Fritz tries to stick his hand in the open flame on the stove. Me: DANGER!. Fritz begins to get tangled up in the million Mac cords hanging off my desk. ME: DANGER!. Fritz starts to scale the bookcase with 5,000 lbs of books and sharp picture frames on it. Me: DANGER! You get the idea. To wrap this up tho, I hope I'm not damaging him because maybe there are times I misuse Danger...like when he grabs the dirty skank toilet brush and starts flinging it about or taking DVD's out of their cases??? Don't scratch mommy's Sopranos Season 3. DANGER!!! 

Fritz Got Game!

Today I unselfishly did not by myself Jordan's and instead hooked up little Fritzy. Ok fine they didn't have my size! But for serious they had soooo many cute little kicks I wanted them all! But I was especially bummed that they didn't have these New Balances in his size. Which is an 8! by the way...huge for an 18 month old. Oh great...I guess he's gonna be uh, ahem, "well endowed". 

Kids by MGMT

Sometimes being a Hipster Mom can be very emotional. When I was walking to the train this morning I started to cry a little when this MGMT song came on. 

10 Uses For Baby Wipes Other Than Wiping Baby Ass.

We buy baby wipes by the truckload. If you are ever left with out them you are fucked. Every room in our house has a tub of them. Besides cleaning Fritz's tush here are a few other useful ways to use baby wipes. So handy!

1. Cleaning dusty surfaces such as counter tops, book shelves and stove tops.
2. Cleaning the bottom of your feet when you've been walking all over the house barefoot and your feet have blackened from the dirt. 
3. Makeup removal.
4. Cleaning your Sneakers.
5. Cleaning ears and/or noses. 
6. Always have some handy in a Ziplock in your purse. Great for dirty train hands. 
7. Also comes in handy when your in a public bathroom that has run out of TP.
8. Dabbing spills on rugs and couches.
9. Great for cleaning Iphone.
10. Spiff up gold and silver jewelry.  

When Bad Hair Cuts Happen to Good Kids

I have a spanish nanny. In New York you see a lot of spanish little kids with these hard core bowl cuts. This is how my nanny cut Fritz's hair. It's kinda boarder line Little Caesar/ gay 90's club kid at Arena or The Palladium or something. When I posted the post right below this one I got sad for his old shaggy do. I know it will grow back but uuuugghhhh. What do you guys think? Is it bad? She did do the bowl once before but not as severe. It's funny but not.

Now It's All About: Hitting, Kicking, Throwing

This morning it's business as usual. Wake up 7:30, downstairs, coffee, juice. This is the routine. It's what we do every morning. Then I open the dishwasher to put something in and it's always a struggle with fritz. He likes to, of course, grab at some big knife and swing it around his head or something, but this morning he grabs a glass. He takes off in the other direction with it and hurls it in the air. Smash! Me: Nooooooo! Him: Haahahhaha. Then there is the hitting. Why hitting? Why not hugging or kissing? And let me tell you what really sucks, the yelling. I just don't know what else to do. You take their little arms in your hands and kneel down to their level and firmly say, No. Let go and he's right back at it, hitting throwing or kicking (they are interchangeable). Honestly I'm at a loss for how to handle it? Anyone else? What's your method? I suppose this is it. Let the discipline begin. Am I going to be good at this? I can hardly discipline myself. Yikes. Im scared.

But in better news...we're back on schedule with the sleeping...holler-luja! I thought it was never going to end. The screaming has subsided and he's back to sleeping through the night. Ahhhhhhh. Relief...Sorta.

The Hipster Mom Just Makes Sense!

  

Here's what one reader said...

First and foremost let me say, THANK YOU for this blog! Not only is it adorable, but I think it should actually be turned into a magazine! Being a new mom as well as make up artist, I find that there aren't really any magazines or blogs that cater to my lifestyle. Obviously, being a new parent is hard but when you don't fit into the typical "mommy and me" play groups, and can no longer make a night of bar hopping with your friends, whats a girl to do?

Reading your blog was refreshing. It reminded me that there are in fact other "cool" mom's out there. Mom's that actually ENJOY being mothers, yet refuse to be frumpy and doomed to a lifetime of pajama pants, or front butt jeans. :)

 I love Missbehave magazine, so I had no doubt in my mind that this wouldn't be anything short of delightfully clever, and honest. I really think you should consider (at the very least ) doing a small feature article for Missbehave! I think so many of your readers with small children would be able to relate and appreciate it (myself included). I hope you don't mind that I wrote about your and your blog on my own at SheGotGoodHair.

I look forward to hearing from you, and keep up the wonderful work!

Lots of love,

Bri